Only Human

Some people just aren’t supposed to get sick.

I’m not talking about a single mom raising three kids and working full time. Sure - the world seems to stop when she gets the flu, but that’s just a part of life in the winter. It’s going to happen.

I’m thinking now about superheroes like dads and surgeons getting the kind of sick that robs them of their superhero status and makes them simply human.

Like when your dad is diagnosed with cancer.

The man who held you as a newborn and whispered, “I’m your daddy.” Who called you his little princess and solved all your problems. Who made you cinnamon toast when you had a tummy ache and sat up in bed with you all night when you had ear infections. Who listened through every broken heart. Who was always going to be there…

It turns your world upside down when you suddenly realize that your dad is way too mortal…

Perhaps that’s what God intends through these upside-down-world moments. Perhaps He simply wants our hero worship and adoring gaze to swing in a different direction.

Yesterday I got a call from my surgeon’s secretary. I have one last surgery scheduled for the beginning of January and she was calling to reschedule it because my surgeon had ‘cardiac issues’ over the holidays. We chose to move the surgery to March, pending the results of his own procedure. He’s hoping he won’t need a surgery.

This man has held my life in his hands through five surgeries. And now he’s contemplating placing his own life in someone else’s hands. And I’m debating the wisdom of placing mine in his again. He is just a man.

Several friends have commented on the perfect timing. Cardiac issues over vacation is so much better than during a surgery… during my surgery…

And once again I remember how fragile life is, how vulnerable we really are, and how essential it is to keep our eyes on the right deity. Anything could happen today. 

So I could keep pretending. Or I could spiral into a panic. But I won’t. Instead, I’ll seek solace in my Savior.

He rules my world. He keeps the planets orbiting the sun. He directs the cancer cells and controls the surgeon’s heartbeat. And for a sometimes unfathomable reason, He loves me – He loves all of us so much more than we deserve. He will always be a Superstar. And, even when He walked this earth, He was never just a man.

But for...

“There but for the grace of God, go I.”

I’ve thought that so many times.

When I see single moms struggling to make ends meet. When I bump into bitter and angry cancer survivors fighting desperately for one more day, week, month… When I see sad and lonely people lost in crowds.

My heart breaks over the shooting in CT. That could have been my classroom. Those could have been my little ones.

But by the grace of God it wasn’t.

Here’s where I might make a few enemies – my heat breaks for the shooter.

Yes, the pain and loss of those 18 innocent little ones was a horrifying tragedy. But if those little ones are all where I think they are now, then their tragedy is over and their joy is complete.

But the shooter? Where is his soul?

And my heart weeps in fear of the answer.

Because there, but for the grace of God, go we all.

You see, I used to be bitter, angry, alone. I never picked up a gun, but I did lash out at the innocent with my tongue now and then before God’s grace got a grip on me. Who knows where I’d be now…

So why did God’s grace catch me, and not him?

Here’s my simple theory: I had a grandmother who prayed for me.

I don’t think he did.

And it breaks my heart to realize it too late to help him. But it opens my eyes a bit wider, too.

Will you open yours with me? Let’s look for someone to pray for today.

We Have Hope

Halfway through my plate of gluten free crackers and apple slices, I got the call – 2 hour delay. We have a new superintendent and the call came later than usual. I’m already up, showered, dressed – too late to go back to bed, and too slippery to head in to school just yet.

So I guess now is as good a time as any to sit down with a nub of pencil and a scrap of paper.

Yesterday was Grammy’s memorial service. And it was beautiful.

So many great stories of who she was and what she did.

So much laughter. So much Hope.

And a little bit of letting go.

Today –

Well, today’s a new start.

With a smile in my eyes, and a deep joy in my heart, I’m stepping forward…

___   ___   ___   ___

When I ripped this paper out of my notebook, I found another, folded page tucked in underneath it. It was a letter that I’d written to a friend, but apparently never sent. I thought I’d share part of it with you.

“I just wanted you to know that I prayed for you today. I sat down with Abba and told Him about your excitement for His creation, for His loved ones. And I thank Him for creating you…. And then I told Him you weren’t feeling well. Though, of course, He already knows that. He knows every detail of your life – your deepest thoughts, your strongest fears, what makes you smile, what you dream about at night.

And He loves you – so much more than your mind or heart will ever be able to understand.

Cling to that. Cling to Him. He’s the only thing that lasts. Pain will fade. Sorrow will be banished. Life will be good again. Cling to that.”

In this broken, upside-down, heart wrenching world, we do have Hope.

Cling to Him.