Time

I’ve found that there are two incredibly important facts that I’ve never really been able to grasp. The first is how powerful God really is. 

The second is how valuable I actually am.

The other day as I puttered through my morning routine, I fleetingly wished that I had more time to sit and visit with my Abba. Life was moving too fast – especially right now, at a teacher’s busiest time of the year. There just wasn’t enough time to get it all done.

But that thought was quickly followed up with the gentle reminder that God created time – and as with everything else, He made the exact amount that He knew I’d need.  Not too much. And not too little.

Which brings me to that first fact.

If I truly believe that God is all-powerful, I wouldn’t be clinging to each second in desperate fear that there won’t be enough.

If I truly believe that God is all-powerful, I could collapse on my knees and give Him all the time He craves – and somehow the bills would still get paid. Or not.

Maybe the bills wouldn’t get paid and I’d lose my house and someone else would buy it and use it in amazing ways that would advance the kingdom of God. Or not.

Maybe no one would buy it and it would sit derelict and the weeds would overgrow the yard and a homeless family would squat there, living off the wild grapes and the apples…

If I truly believe God is all-powerful, I’d let Him take control. 

But letting go of control is often a terrifying thought.

Which brings me to the second fact.

I am very valuable.

I was not created for the here and now. This living in a white house, getting ready for a new school year, this is just where He’s placed me. This is just a bubble of time that He created and placed me in to give me a chance to taste and explore life. This is where I am to serve. This is where I am to take time to sit with Him. This is where I am to fall in love with Him and discover how much He loves me. This is where I am to share Him with others, and show them what He’s done for me and for them.

But this is not what I was created for. 

I am so much more valuable than that.

I was created for eternity.

This is my chance to choose my place in eternity.

And I choose to spend it with Him.

So if I believe that I am valuable, I can trust that His plan for me is good. 

And if I believe that He is all-powerful, I can trust that He can follow through on that plan.

Which means I can stop puttering though my morning routine, clinging to each second and worrying that I'll run out. Because in His wisdom, power, and love, He’s given me exactly what I need.

Time.

Thoughts while jogging on a trampoline

The timer is set. I'll jog until the devotional finishes. Pace doesn't matter. I can jog fast and hard or slow and leisurely, but I'll still finish at the same time. 

Kind of like our Christian walk - we'll get there at the same time whether we work hard for the kingdom or not.

But, when the timer beeps, that rewards are different. If I run hard and push myself, I have more steps logged on my Fitbit and I've burned more calories. If I jog easy, I still finish at the same time, but I don't get my steps in and I can't eat the same treats after.

All Believers will get to Heaven through God's grace and Christ's shed blood. But the rewards we receive and the crowns He gives us will depend on how hard and how well we worked during the time allotted.

Maybe it's time I picked up the pace.

How about you?

Should Have Known Better

Dear Adult Who Should Have Known Better, 

I am healthy. I am happy. My students tell me I’m beautiful at least once a week. 
I’ve learned to laugh out loud, to smile, to spin and dance when my heart overflows. I take exotic vacations and amazing staycations; get lost in books and in God’s creation. I am content. 
My life is Good. 

Despite you. 

All these years later, after all the ups and downs between us, I still become scared, lost, and lonely when I think of you. I’ve given that buried knot of pain to God so many times. He’s chiseled at it, numbed it, wrapped it so fully in his love that at times it disappears. 

But it always comes back any time a thought wanders in your direction. 
I haven’t thought of you in years… 

But today you’re on my mind. You’re on my heart. And it hurts. 

You should have known better. 

It makes me think. 
As an adult, a leader, a teacher myself. Do I know better? 
I try so hard to weigh each action and sift each thought, but sometimes one slips out that I wish I hadn’t said. 

Do you ever wish you could undo those days? Because you can’t. 
Days can’t be undone. 
Actions can’t be undone. 
Words can’t be unsaid. 
The past can’t be changed. 

But the future can. In the future, please know better. 
Think first. Pray for patience. Read your Bible. Take a child development class. Listen to what you mother always said. Hear your heart. Set your stubborn pride aside and Know Better. 

We can’t change the past. 
But God can change the consequences. 

Because you were a poor leader, I’ve become a good one. 
Because you taught with pain, I teach with empathy. 
Because you used shame, I use respect. 
Because you didn’t, I know better. 

So, thank you. 
No – not thank you for not knowing better; though I’m learning to forgive you for that because you didn’t know any better. 

But thank you for fading out of my life. 
For not breaking me. For reminding me to be more aware of the little ones around me, and of the impact of my words and deeds. 

And I’m praying. 
I’m praying that you know better today. 
I’m praying that your positive influence on those around you now will last oh-so-much longer than your negative influences in the past. I’m praying that you’ve learned to love your life as much as I do. That you laugh out loud – in joy. That you smile and dance when your heart overflows. That your life is good. That the pain in your own heart, brutally placed there by someone else who should have known better, has faded... 

Like mine seems to have. 

Sincerely, 
A Healed and Hopeful Adult