Grammy's 90th Birthday

My grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday yesterday. 

We took her out to eat -- my parents, my uncle and his wife, and my son and I. As we sat around the table, eating and laughing, she was quiet (she really can't hear much of what we're saying), but she was smiling the whole time.

90 years. That's a long time! Especially when you know that she was very sickly as a child. When she was 8 years old, the doctor told her mother that she wouldn't live to turn 9. And now she's 90. 

Granted, her life wasn't always an easy one -- she's a three time cancer survivor -- and my grandfather wasn't always in the best of health, from shattered bones to a weary heart. And I know it was difficult, is difficult, each time she lets her youngest son head off to Africa. But despite the heartache (because of it?) she's been faithful and God has used her mightily. She raised two boys who work hard at advancing God's kingdom here on Earth. With her husband and some friends she started the church that I still attend today. She taught countless children (and adults) in Sunday school. She wrote poems and mentored young women. And she prayed.

I'm so grateful that doctor was wrong. Not only would I not be around without her, but my life wouldn't be what it is without her. Sometimes I slow down and pause from my busy life just enough to almost realize how lucky I am. I look around at my peers and realize what an unfair advantage I've been given. I had a grandmother who prayed for me every day of my life since before I was born. What would my life have been like without that loving prayer coverage? Without that Godly guidance?

I don't think I'm grateful enough. 

Actually -- I know I'm not.

But I am so grateful when I glance over at my son. I watch him navigate the world today, knowing that all of his days he's had three generations of Faith-full women interceding for him. Yes, he will have trouble. But he'll never face it alone. Even if he lives to be 90.

We have been so blessed. 

Which reminds me of the promise -- to whom much has been given, much is expected.

What am I doing with this amazing gift my Abba gave me? How am I doing at meeting His expectations? Although He loves a grateful heart, I don't think that's enough. 

I know there's nothing I can DO to get into Heaven -- but there's still plenty that I can do.

So I'm going to.

But first I'm going to pray - for my grandmother. :)

A Wonderful Snowday

What a wonderful snow day today could have been...

I feel strongly that snow storms should come on Mondays to maximize their potential of cancelling school. Or on Wednesday to break up a monotonous work week. Or even, occasionally,on a Friday to give the weekend a fresh, clean head start.

But on a Saturday?

That's already a day off. A day out of the ordinary. A day spend any which way I choose. 

Take today for instance. I had plans for today.

I was going to start the day off with a quick fast forward bible study, followed by a trek into Worcester for a C.S. Lewis society conference on the Narnia Code. Then I was going to go out for lunch (and possibly swing by the bank and pick up some groceries) before heading over to a friend's house for a party. Then dinner, followed by catching my Uncle's bluegrass concert before heading home again just in time to welcome my parents back to this country.

But all of that's been cancelled by this mischeduled snowstorm.

All I've done so far today is slept an extra 2 1/2 hours, spent an hour buried in His Word with my Abba, and chatted and solved riddles with my son. 

Long pause.

Hesitant silence.

Stilled soul as I sit and gaze at the falling flurry outside the window.

And suddenly I get it.

What a wonderful snow day today is turning out to be.

I did it again.

I messed up. I blew it. I sinned.

And not  an I-missed-a-great-opportunity-to-serve-God sin. More of the I-purposely-stepped-out-and-did-something-I-promised-not-to-do variety.

And now I’m drowning in the guilt.

My head knows I’m forgiven – completely and forever.  That sin is wiped clean. It’s gone.  The penalty’s paid. There is no condemnation for those of us who dance in the grace of our Abba.

But my heart sometimes has trouble wrapping itself around that. Surely admitting my guilt and confessing my sin isn’t enough. There must be something I can do. Like continue to berate myself for my prideful foolishness for another couple of weeks…

As I pulled out my Bible, it fell open to the bookmarked spot I’d left off on yesterday. Deuteronomy 9 – a review of some of the sins of Israel. What perfect timing.  

Verse 7 – Remember! Do not forget how you provoked the LORD… Verse 8 – Also in Horeb you provoked the LORD…  and on and on.

I found myself taking comfort in the fact that I don’t stand alone. I am not the only sinner. And I am not the only Christian who’s messed up.  The Israelites saw the power of God first hand over and over again – and yet they doubted and turned away over and over again. It happens. We’re human.

Then I got to verse 14 where God says, “Let Me alone, that I may destroy them and blot out their name from under heaven.”

The shame worming its way into my heart had a field day with that one.

Human isn’t good enough. We are called to be perfect. Surely after all God has done for me I owe Him a little more than what I’ve given. The noose tightens. The guilt grows. The peace shrinks down to a mustard seed.

But that’s not the end of the chapter. Praise God, it’s not the end!

In verses 18 through 20, and again in 25 through 29, Moses falls prostrate and pleads with His God for the salvation of His people. And they are saved. I read those verses slowly, longingly. Oh, how I wish I had someone intervening for me as Moses did for those Israelites.

And it suddenly all clicked again in a whole new way.

I do.

Jesus, my Savior, the Son of God is in Heaven right now, seated at the right hand of God the almighty Judge and interceding for me. Loving me. Beaming down at me. Smiling proudly over me. He’s leaning closer to the Judge, pointing right at me, and firmly stating – “That’s Moi. She’s forgiven. Look – she’s wearing my robe. She’s clean. She’s innocent. She’s one of Mine.”

Suddenly, it’s not just my head that gets it. Finally, I let go of my sin. I let go of the need to do something to earn the free gift I was given. Instead, I cling to the Gift. The mustard seed of Peace blooms into a full grown tree as my heart basks in the whispered words, “Daughter, your sins are forgiven. Go now and sin no more.”

New Year's Resolution

I have a simple New Year's Resolution this year. It's not to exercise more, or to lose weight. It's not to eat less chocolate or more fiber. It's not even to be nicer to my fellow man. It's simply to simplify my life. To wrap all of my mixed up, random, chaotic plans into one simple goal: To find God.

Abba -- I want to find You and cling to You.

And to lose me in the process (at least, all the selfish, needy parts of me)

I want to choose daily to trust You. 

Which means depend on You. Obey You. And stop making contingency plans.

You are sufficient for me and You love me.

That's always such a humbling comfort -- to come back to that truth:

That the Great Omniscient All-powerful You

loves the insignificant, sinful, foolish me.

And that gives me great worth.

I am valuable because I am valued by the inventor of time and space.

In a universe of gas giants and black holes I am significant.

I am unique.

I am carefully crafted to meet a gaping need in a broken world.

If I cling to You.