Today

Today I have a new mantra.

And at the end of the month I’ll have a slightly larger than normal water bill…

It’s been a week of long showers as I wrestle with God and seek solace in His presence under the flowing hot water. 

Today I get to meet a new doctor and whine for a bit.

Today I need to take out all of the trash and wash all of the laundry and dishes that have been building up from working late and then rushing off to tutor.

Today I’ll chat with 8 more sets of parents and tell them how naughty – I mean, how smart their little ones are.

Today I’ll carve out the time to read and respond to that last email from Mom and Dad in Africa.

Today a dear friend is attending her son’s funeral.

Today another dear friend is cuddling her very old kitten as she puts his IV into place.

Today – and suddenly, today is just so crushingly heavy and I curl up in a ball under the beating water and cry out to my Abba to just please remind me that I am not alone.

And in the silence that followed, I remembered again how Grammy used to claim God’s promises through the bumps in the road. 

So I searched my mind for a promise to claim. And He whispered down, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

I am loved, I thought. 

And just as that registered, another verse came whispering in – one that I had recited at the beginning of AWANA every Wednesday night that year I lived in Barrington. “Study to show thyself approved onto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed rightly dividing the word of truth.”

I am approved by God. I don’t need to be ashamed.

And as those thoughts sank in, another verse came, “Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you.” 

He is with me.

And then “Lo, I am with you always, even to the ends of the earth…”

He is with me.

I whispered those words, over and over. By the time I turned off the water, I was saying them out loud. 

Suddenly my heart was lighter, my day was bearable. Livable. Enjoyable. Because today

I am loved.

I am approved.

I do not need to be ashamed.

He is with me.

He is with me.