Just another debate

Every now and then I sit down to wrestle with the ideas of ‘elect’ and ‘chosen.’

Are there only a few, or does God really not want any to perish?

How many sneak in at that last minute?

How many really end up in eternal damnation? 

And no matter how I wrestle, no matter from what angle I peer,

I always come back to the simple, yet stunning fact,

That the Creator of all humanity looked down at little defiantly selfish me

and saw something potentially pleasing.

He chose, chased, and cherished me.

No, Abba.

Right now, in this blissful moment, I have no other questions.

With every cell in my body – Thank You.

How about you? What do you wrestle with?

My Purpose

I love these days.

These moments.

These simple times when I stop running around doing and sit down long enough to listen.

Lately my life has been quite out of balance. Work has taken over – which is normal this time of year, but never easy. And this year seems worse. With 27 little ones (up from 23 last year) my paper grading time has increased by about half an hour a day. My planning time has also increased as I try to figure out who needs what when and away from whom… I also doesn’t help that we were unable to purchase workbooks this year, and that we’re rewriting the math and ela curriculum as we teach, to align them with the common core. And that the photocopier is broken. Again.

And then there’s the actual teaching. I can’t remember any of my undergrad courses covering how to teach science to 27 curious kittens spanning six grade levels in ability, each bringing their own painful baggage to the table…

Sigh.

But none of that today!

Because today God’s whisper is breaking through.

“Breath. Walk. Listen.”

Life is not about getting everything done.

It’s not about getting every paper graded and passed back the next day (month?).

Somedays, life is simply about sleeping in. Eating cider donuts and playing Pandora radio in pjs.

Refreshing. Refocusing. Rebooting.

Remembering.

I’m not really here to teach children how to read. That’s simply something I do for fun.

I’m here to bask in the love of my Abba, and to reflect that love back to you.

How about you? 

Why are you here?

The Little Choices

My parents are coming back to the states on Friday, so my Uncle and I have begun the process of choosing a day to drive up to the White Mountains to disperse Grammy and Grampa’s ashes.

We already know the place – Crawford Notch. Grammy chose it over a decade ago. Her favorite place in “our mountains” which were “the most beautiful” in the world.

They had both chosen to be cremated and sold their burial plots before Grampa died. Grammy was adamant about not wanting any of us to feel obligated to visit her grave.

 Because she won’t be there.

As I think about the woman she was – her grace under amazing adversity, her peace during the dying process, her faithful prayers for each of her loved ones – I can’t help thinking that I want to be like that.

But then I look at myself and I see all of the time I waste on video games and mystery novels, the way I get caught up in getting things done and forget why I’m doing them and Who I’m doing them for. Those wondrous in-His-presence, almost-getting-the-Real-meaning-of-life, nothing-else-matters moments have become so few and so far between.

Satan shouts, “Ah, just give up. You’ll never be like her. You’re just you.”

The Spirit whispers, “Remember, it took her a lifetime to get where she was. You’re still on the journey.”

And I realize again that the little choices matter as greatly as the big ones. It’s a lifetime of little choices that make you who you are.

So today I choose to ignore the shouts and listen to the whispers. Today I’ll put down the iPad and go for a walk in the woods. I’ve got to get ready to climb that mountain…

The goose at Crawford Notch (eons ago...)